Senin, 14 Maret 2016

My Dearest Prince

Please pardon my grammar as I'm not taking the class seriously.

It has been a long time to know him...
Still I want to know more.
I need to admit, I shocked for some times to see how human changes his/her mind.
However it is the most beautiful things that ever happened to a person.
My boyfriend.

I used to be haunted by the shadow of my ex.
I cried and prayed. Cried and prayed.
Make sure I won't separates my soul from its body before its' time.

The shadow was too strong to be vanished
It appears that for a long time, I've been living in a certain place.
A certain place that trapped me for such a decade (forgive me to exaggerate it)

I know God will never abandon my prayer.
I just need more patience to keep waiting.
Sometime I want to give up and just curl up in my own cemetery.
However something keeps me awake.

I remember how the first time I had a feeling for you.
It was just through the thousands of colorful pixels which represents you.

I remember the first time you stepped into the room,
With your glasses and those I-don't-care attitude.

You.
And with all of those your sarcastic words and actions.
Creates a big gap between you and my ex.

It ruins all the memory that I was hope for fulfill my expectations.
I cry a lot. I don't want a sarcastic person like you.
But with your words you created my strength.
With your actions you created my attitude.

And by all meanings,
I know your flaws, I know those harsh words...
But I just can't letting you go...

No,
Never.

I thought I can.
But I can't.

There's always something...
Something that I felt strange.
That helps me find my way back to you.

I never want to change you.
You are you, and always be you.
No need to change anything.

But through the time we are together.
You change. Better.
I love the way you used to, but I'm loving more the way you are now.

After I know more about you. I just can't let you leave from my life.

Thank you.

Even when there will be a time when we need to separate. (Which I wish there won't)

I will always love you.

Rabu, 27 Januari 2016

Another Self-esteem

I can't sleep yesterday, today also the same.
a dream appeared in afternoon, I can't tell why it keeps bugging me.
for some reasons, the playback still play the same memories.
it won't fade.
and I realize, still it is the best memories I got.
until, it happened.
It should not be happened..
It should not.
It should stay still.
stay the same.
it should not end like this.
it should not.
Posted on by Ao | 1 comment

Rabu, 20 Januari 2016

Grown ups represented in 'The Little Prince'

20 January 2016 21:36

So here I am, after long time vanishing from blogging, I’m coming back.
Forgive my English it’s not perfect. I learned how to use grammar but still it messes up all the time in my head. I would be ashamed if any of my friends will read this post, because, well, um… I’m not a talkative person in front of them, I’d like to keep everything in my head. Because, they’re not interested to something like this. And I don’t really like the response from my family and my boyfriend. So I guess I’ll keep this all by myself, and for all of you readers (like even they read this)

So tonight, just another bad day to be through, kinda need something to boost up my mood so I watched “The Little Prince” which I remembered that my cousin had the book. Well, I’ve read it of course. But only a quarter-page of whole book because I know I’m not really smart, hence for a seven-year-old girl I don’t take any interest to finish the book. I more kind of like into ‘The Fifth’ by Enid Blyton at that time. I can’t read something implicit, I won’t understand it. Pfff---

So I guess this movie needs a harder way to interpret the meanings, so a kids somehow with a little experience they had won’t understand this movie. Just like a seven-years old me who get bored at that time. But I dunno if the kid has intelligent IQ or something, this would be an easy stuff to understand.

And so, after years.. fourteen years later, I found the film adaptation from the book which is amazingly my brain can recall it. It was so amazing! Well, the story is about a girl, which I don’t remember did she mention her name or not. Well, her mom was so obsessed to her life. Her life plan. Then the girl failed the interview test, so they decided to move in to get into the school with an absurd plan B. Pfft--- this girl just have an aviator as her neighbor. He can be said, ‘weird’ but with some stories and drawing about ‘The little Prince’ from the aviator, they become close. I personally like, Mr. Fox, he’s cute and adorable. Well, the problem is her mother didn’t like him, so she try to shut down the girl’s imagination and make her focus to the ‘future’ that lies ahead. It just becomes worse when the aviator got sick and the girl tried to save him by meeting ‘The little prince’ himself. Well, that part is kinda odd and I don’t really get it. But I interpret that as the way her imagination is alive. I think she went to the aviator’s house just to find the papers and some things to fix it. But the way the film showed it, it’s kind of an adventure for her. In the end, she finds the Little Prince that somehow forget all the fun things he had been through, but she needs to meet three important characters just like the story when the prince met them.


The first person that the prince met in his journey was this “Salute’ man. Well, not bad from the grown-ups perspective, but the prince found it weird. Well, actually in “The Walk” movie, I remember, Philippe learned from Papa that ‘Salute’ is an expression of honesty. But this man which appears to be a grown-ups, using salute as a disguise for his own pride. He even can resist when people clapping their hands for him. I think it’s the way that some grown-ups, using salute to hide their real feelings. To look humble in front of others, but they not.


The second person that met little prince is the King. Well, the king, yeah, feels like rules everything but actually not. They actually need some certain orders and requirements to make something happened. So I think he is not a ‘king’ at all. But here’s the fun fact. The grown-ups, usually, feels they are superior than others. They can do everything they want, IF it is fulfill the requirement. Hahaha! So funny! I sometimes think like that when I was younger. They think that just because their groen-ups, they take control, they have their responsibilities to keep their children alive, so in return, we need to ‘obey’ what rules that they make, and pay respect.


And the last person was this an ‘accounting’ businessman? What should I call him? (lol)
well, this person is counting the stars, buy it, and make profit from it. It’s harder than I thought to interpret the meaning behind this. But well, hey I’m trying! Pfft--
well, I guess it’s kinda like that grown-ups try to ‘show’ the reality to the children. They take the ‘dream’ from us by force without asking it first. The way that the businessman turn the stars into some lights and the ‘child’ stuffs into paper clip, means that he even use the ‘dreams’ to make us work harder. It feels like say, “come on, work harder than anything your wishes are, can be granted.”
In fact, NO! there’s nothing such like that. It’s a bullshit. (pardon my language)


a
nd so in the end, this movie has taught me something important. To keep remember. Remember everything, do it to achieve our goals. So in the end, you will smile with no regret in the end of your life. I adore this movie. This is fantastic.


22:11

Senin, 16 Maret 2015

Same Wavelength

Long time no write... I guess writing is one of the best thing that happened in my life. It helps me a lot to undepressed me (just ignore the grammar).

Haaah, I depressed in these days.
One of my friend stop contacts me, after going abroad. She has no idea how much I miss her and need to talk like we used to.

The same wavelength? It just another random title. Well, I heard this once, or I read it, (I forgot)
But they say, that people who likes you actually reflects yourself. I mean, if you are a kind person, then a kind person gonna love you back, and so on.

But there's one thing that disturb my mind. Why people who likes me ussually are not brave enough to say they likes me directly. More often, they tend to use text message rather than directly speaking to me. 3 person supposed to talk to me directly... But... They failed, and in the end... They used text messages.

It's not a problem at all!
Something that disturb me is then I'm also not brave enough to speak directly to the person I like, that I love him? Oh, very well!

Also, the one who tend to like me is kinda people who have this categorization: nerd, badass, gamer, otaku, and so on. I expect too much to myself. I thought I was cool and out standing but in reality , not.

Guess what? I need to not look down on others and see the "same wavelength" in others who likes me, to reflect myself.
Posted on by Ao | 1 comment

Jumat, 02 Agustus 2013

that loneliness...

it's definitely my fault... dunno, maybe there's somtin' wrong with me. I don't have a friend that support me. my family seems doesn't like what I'm doing or what my dreams are... they don't understand, I never explain it either. life is just suck... I want to have a group of friends. a people who can share with... have same interest... but in this world... no one seems can be my friend... I'm all alone. I only talk with God in my heart... even I know, God not response me directly... but I need someone who can interact with me... I need a place where I belong. a place that receive me for being who I am...
Posted on by Ao | No comments